Wife leaves and by previous agreement, a clause in the pre-nuptial contract, she takes with her half the English language. The terms of the joint custody agreement specify that the children will half the English language with one parent and the other half with the other. Much wrangling ensues to determine which words go with the mother and which with the father. A list of common, heavily used words (pronouns, conjunctions, etc.) is compiled and ordered according to frequency studies. For instance, she gets "the" while he gets "that". She gets "fuck" while he get "shit". After some reticence she accepts "bitch" (he doesn't want it) . He accepts "bastard" (which has never done her any good) but only if he gets "dog" (it's a bone she throws him). As the negotiations progress it dawns on him that having custody of certain words (so to speak) means that she will be unable to use them to describe him. He makes a bid for "asshole" and then "defensive", which tips her off to the tactic and she quickly claims "inarticulate" and "passive aggressive". He contends that "passive aggressive" are two words and that he may want "aggressive" but she convinces him not to break up the set. An agreement on "insouciant" is never reached and it is agreed that neither party will use it. Many words are claimed by one side or the other for reasons of compelling need. Besides, he has no need for "Tampon", or even "napkin" for that matter, but he'll clearly need "macaroni" and "cheese". She'll get "bathtub" and he'll get "shower". At first the kids are more then a little annoyed, but with patience, firmness, and some professional counciling their lawyers assure them they'll adjust. Or as the wife will henceforth have to say "Them will adapt".