We Can Not Stomach Infinity

I was looking through the curling fence
Imaging white pickets, or off white
Not unlike your undies, not off you, as you lay there.
I was trying to see what was being said

The tattle tale sun made light through the blinds
Into bars across you slanting in recline crossing the bed
Making me throw my hands over head to grasp 
At the brass shaking a sigh into a swallowed moan

I was trying to read this.  To read this:
"I was trying to say" ... What did you say?
Your panties stayed so white and confused ...
I peered through lids to see your mouth
About a world I missed out on

In mine only marbles
I could not see you up a tree or even grasping 
Enough brass to swallow the moon 
I could not decipher the ache of stones
Or imagine you alone with death

I could not turn light off or put out sun
Or part bars, unfurl rays, unbraid the lines
I tried to close my eyes but the bright beat me
And gulped me into everything unfocused

The book grew heavy on me and I failed to follow
I let go, let it drop, and dropped off

I had a dream and you were in it
And you were crying and trying to say
I could not see you as you were 
As you went away

What is that cruelty they say?
All in good time, as if, all and only
Could be so lovely, as you 
Owning your lonely

In a room with empty windows 
I saw the table and the piece of paper
White and off white and off it I tried
To read there the reason why you were crying


I woke up confused your panties so white
Your mouth moving obscured by strands of hair
Furious pale across the lacerating rays 
You reading while I could not read your face

I had lost my place and could not parse the track
Not cutting the in from the out, the light from glare
I tried to say and failed the trial and could not
Unfold or fathom or read  when from  where


Into my dream the devil came
Swirling about my head
But I saw his makeup
I saw his makeup

I saw eye shadow and his time line
His desperate unfolding putting pebbles in a line
Each pebble a whimper adding to his fury
But I saw his makeup
I saw his makeup


I swallowed warm air and peace of interior, tried. 
Tried ... to make you out.  Your panties not off, you, not 
Off the bed I couldn't recall what the piece of paper said
I opened the page and read out loud "I was trying to say"

And then you wiped enough hair from your face
And the light fell away and I saw in a moment
The world in your mouth and a sky in your eyes
And I knew in your smile why you cried and I read
Spitting marble pieces onto the bed, the paper, the one 
In my dreams, and here now is what it said
We can not stomach infinity.